BYOF

According to my GYN, the ultrasound was read wrong. Or done wrong. Turns out it wasn't Medea after all. It turns out this cyst is on my right ovary. And so I need a new name - Large Marge.

Marge is big and the whole thing is displaced, now sitting behind my uterus (which is, on account of it being tipped backwards, sitting on top of my bowel). I can't imagine there's much room back there. Poor gals. They're all crammed in like sardines in a can, like clowns in a car, like adjunct faculty in a storage closet turned office.

We'll look at it in one month, says my GYN, and at that time we can decide what to do. "In that case," I told him "I'll save my barrage of 'why do I keep getting these friggin cysts?' questions for then."

What's the lesson from this? BYO Films and not just the report. I think I knew this already, but as with so many other lessons in life, I have a less than steep learning curve.

What I need

I never, ever imagined there would be a point in my life where I'd be wishing for hemorrhoids...

I got a call from the GI doctor's office with my results of the various scans - probably Medea and not much else is my guess. The call came right in the middle of the second two hour lecture I was giving today, which ended at about five PM. Yes. Of course. Hey, at least it wasn't Friday.


I realized while I was thinking about the above and my health in general this evening that what I think I need most right now is this...

...because you can never have too much "Box of Kittens"


Update: Medea has been declared a 4.8 cm simple functional cyst who needs attention in the form of more pictures in something like 6 to 8 weeks. I can't help wondering if my mirena should be implicated as a suspect in Medea's recent waxing.

Also, now that I've written the phrase "my mirena" I have the Macarena song in my head... "Aaay, my Mirena! Yikes!"

While I'm on the topic of a medical remix of the Macarena, do you think the scrubs the guy's wearing in this macarena tutorial are a fashion statement or an indication of his profession? The digs, foolishness, and time for the recording certainly help make the case for 3rd year med student.

ready for her close up

Medea just can't get enough camera time it seems. There she was, a big round dark blob on the ultrasound image, now essentially the entire ovary which is a bit of a new look for her. She needs to go on a diet.

I'll wait for the report before jumping to any conclusions about the ovary to Medea ratio. From what I understand, round, dark, and regular is good - well good as these things go. I'm having this all faxed to the GYN and I'm seeing him in two weeks so we can talk about Medea and her recent enlargement then.

I gotta say, the folks at the imaging facility I went to for the CT scan and ultrasound were really nice. Aggressive prep aside, they were genuinely pleasant and human. Always a good thing.

my little "friend"?

I think I should name the cyst on my left ovary. "M" names spring to mind. Martha? Or maybe Medea, seeing as it's caused me some trouble. Yes. Medea it is.

I suspect Medea's at it again. I had a pelvic and abd CT on Wednesday because, well, because I'm bleeding. Very lower GI bleeding in fact. Oh ok, I'll stop pussyfooting about. I've been bleeding out my butt and not a little. I can't imagine how that must be for guys who bleed out their butts. As a woman, I am somewhat used to seeing that much blood in the toilet now and then. Granted, knowing that it is coming from the wrong side is problematic, but I imagine the whole visual would have to be more shocking for a man. At the insistence of my new primary and my sister, I finally made an appointment to see a new GI doctor. They seem ok.

The rectal exam showed no fissures and no 'rrhoids (as a friend of mine used to delicately call them), but I had a very painful external pelvic exam. This is not unusual, I explained to the nurse practitioner who did the exam. I've been having daily pelvic pain for a couple of years now. I wear lose pants and skirts. It helps. And providing it's not the dropping me to my knees pain that sometimes flares up, I can deal more or less. Currently, I am assured as I settle into my IUD, I'll feel better. It's better, but it still hurts.

The nurse at the GI office was feeling a little uncertain about the pain. I don't think my adding in things like "hey you have diarrhea every day for 2 years, you're probably gonna bleed out your butt" reassured her.

I was really expecting the CT to be negative. I truly was a bit taken aback when the GI doc's office called on Friday (of course on Friday) to tell me that the GI doc wants an ultrasound for a "pelvic cyst". I said "Uh, is it gynecological?" The woman on the phone was evasive.

While I am not 100% satisfied with this response, I do understand the need for it. Imagine if the call had gone like this instead:
"Hey Ms. Hygeian, this is GI doc's office calling. Your CT showed a pelvic mass. Oh don't worry, it's probably not a tumor but the doctor would like you to have an ultrasound to make sure, ok?" That would alarm most people. And I get that.

However, if this is Medea, I don't think we need to give her more face time than she's already gotten. She's been there for a while. Medea's been such a pain in the ass, or rather side, that at my pre-lap appointment in May, I told my GYN to please take the whole friggin' thing, ovary and all, if it looked even a little ugly. I was told they like to leave as much as they can, the whole thing if possible. Apparently Medea didn't look too ugly to them, and so she remains. At several pelvic exams before and in the one since the surgery in June, someone has always remarked "hey you've got a cyst on your left ovary." And every time I say "Yes, this seems to usually be the case..." (or similar).

The lack of alarm from the GYN people seems to suggest that Medea is nothing to be concerned about. Right? Not that I know it is Medea, but I do strongly suspect it is. I think I also hope it is. Because while the diarrhea and pain suck, the thought of a mass which is not Medea sucks a lot too. I do realize that telling myself it is Medea is a way of making myself feel better about that concern. I'm quite aware of that. But I'll take my strange comforts where I can get them.

Medea has freaked some folks out in the past. I had a pelvic exam many many years ago at a primary care doctor's office. She felt Medea and sent me off for a stat ultrasound. Within minutes of the exam, I was careening down the highway chugging as much water as I could get in.

So when I asked "Is it gynecological?" on Friday, I was asking "Is it Medea?" because I'd like to put them in touch with the GYN if it is and they can chat about whether or not I really need this ultrasound. Because ultrasounds kinda suck a bit, and really, who needs unnecessary suck? Not me.

While all the online stuff says ultrasounds are not painful, I think that they should add the caveat that drinking and holding that much water for an hour is at least quite uncomfortable. Add in a cold waiting room and it can become painful, not necessarily highly but quite unpleasantly. It's going to be a lot of water. This imaging place has very ambitious preps. I am to drink 48 ounces of water an hour before the ultrasound and hold it until the exam is over.

So....we'll see on Tuesday. Or rather, they'll see on Tuesday. I'll probably know on Friday (again).